Today, while reading
the syllabus, looking for Sheryl’s office hours, I re-read the course’s holy grail
quote:
“If a man's imagination were not so weak, so easily tired, if his capacity for wonder not so limited, he would…learn to perceive in
water, leaves and silence more than sufficient of the absolute and marvelous,
more than enough to console him for the loss of the ancient dreams.”
Today I will go to my spot and I will look/perceive as
I have never perceived before. I will be the hand that holds my head to acknowledge.
I pride myself on my imagination, why am I then, so resistant
to try alternative pathways to imagination, i.e. sitting and perceiving in
nature? Why don’t I trust it? Is this true?
I’ve felt the spark in small glimpses-- this nature
inspired imagination, and certainly felt the imaginative in the nature readings
(Kincaid, Oates, Rogers, Doyle, and Clifton, all kind of made me writhe on the
floor in admiration).
Nature enhances creativity…Hm.
Writing this out just now, may have revealed a misdirection: nature enhances creativity=look to nature for its handouts. And this, more than anything reveals my poverty mentality.
Writing this out just now, may have revealed a misdirection: nature enhances creativity=look to nature for its handouts. And this, more than anything reveals my poverty mentality.
I've managed to run back into my head. Lets try nature again.
Today I will go and document like a mad scientist, the
things I have not until today, wanted to see. Today I will perceive in leaves.
***
Siobhan’s semi-scientific notes
(which will be later layered with the help of the
internet)
-The
lens: Me. 28 year old female
-Place: 500 block of
Coal St. Pittsburgh PA 15221. The alley between apartment building and The Garden Manor Mental health care home
-Time: 6pm, dusk
-Weather:
Deceptively cold, 34 degrees, Cloudless dimming blue sky
-
The birds: Three. Hopping around on the mental home's well
trimmed for winter lawn. Their legs are hidden in the grass, making it appear
as if they’re floating on grass. They’re pecking here and there. Seeds? American
Robins. Turdus
migratorius
-Trees:
Way more than I originally thought
Ash
trees. Transparent slender clumps of leaves with visible darker seed inside.
Look like clumps of band-aids with a circle of blood/injury. Fraxinus
Maple
trees. According to the helicopter leaves I find on the ground. Holy happy
childhood memory. Catholic elementary school,
1991. Acer
Elm trees. Says the leaves picked from the collage of fallen soldiers, still hugging in death. Ulmas
Elm trees. Says the leaves picked from the collage of fallen soldiers, still hugging in death. Ulmas
-Moss: This covers some of the ground at the base of the
line of trees. It seeps onto the lime green wooden planks which mark the borders of the
alley. Anomodon viticulosus
Plus, a tuft of onion grass! I pluck some of it's top hair and inhale it's poignant memory. Romulea rosea
***
My mom works at
a Headstart program in in the Poconos. She’s told me of a device the teachers use
on child who can’t sit still, can’t look into things for too long: the weighted vest, or "sensory hug." I like the two very different implications behind these names.
***
In what ways
have I approached nature this semester? When/how/why has nature acted as a
weighted vest for me? How has it acted as a sensory hug ?
When/how/why have I been a weighted vest upon nature? How have I been a sensory hug for nature? (I just imagined nature yelling at me in a cutting, abrupt voice, "I don't need your sensory hug!).
***
When/how/why have I been a weighted vest upon nature? How have I been a sensory hug for nature? (I just imagined nature yelling at me in a cutting, abrupt voice, "I don't need your sensory hug!).
***
I have come to
these assignments as:
an explorer, a disbeliever,
a believer, a mule, a mourner, a child, an adult, an artist, a cynic, a
psychic, a writer, a fallen leaf, a leaf still holding on, an idealist, a
realist, a student, a teacher, an insider, an outsider, a hippi, a hip hopper, an
energy, a void.
An (anticlimactic) human.
Poem
Human
Humanity
Human in a tee
In my white tee
Tree staring
Nature blog
writing
steady
trying to circle
me:
A sailor(ess) went
to
sea sea sea
To see what she
could
see see see
But all that she
could
see see see
all that she could
per
ceive ceive ceive
was the lossses of her
ancient
dreams
dreams
dreams
dreams
*all images from internet
Awesome post Sio. I have the exact same problem. Maybe I avoid nature because I can't name a single plant, because I'm too much of a newbie to it to contend. This made me laugh: "I don't need your sensory hug!"
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jonny. Awesome post. I really thought the poem was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wonder if we aren't so used to defining things that we forget to take things simply as they are. Like, your fears of what make a nature essay a "nature essay" or Jonny's aversion to nature because he can't name a plant.
Because, like you said, nature doesn't need us. And to be straightforward, WE named those plants - they don't really have names. And WE named these essays with subject and heading - they are really just compilations of words.
Nature is nature without us. So we can just step in and feel it. And clearly, here, you have. Like a weighted vest we don't need to put nature on. Because it's just there - that presence, that hug. We just need to be quiet and feel it. And yeah - hippie-schmippy? Maybe. But I'm far from caring about labels anymore. Or names of things. Definitions that make us feel better (or often make us feel worse.)
I think your imagination and creativity are wide and ever-expanding. I think the less you worry about fitting into a box, the wider your words, the more and ever-expansive your universe. Nice job :)
Siobhan, I fell in love with this line: "Says the leaves picked from the collage of fallen soldiers, still hugging in death." So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI also love the issue you mention about going into nature expecting for it to inspire us. "If I just sit here and let my mind go, I'm guaranteed inspiration." Which just isn't the case. It's not a A + B = C formula like that. But I think the doing it over and over, making a habit of letting the mind go and revisiting a place, is a kind of practice for deeper understanding or thinking and this is what can lead to the inspiration. It's a dangerous thing expecting to be fueled creatively or imaginatively like clockwork, whenever we want it or need it, you're so right. Magic doesn't work like that.
Thank, Siobhan! :)
So glad you went back to the Abby quote. I have seen that some of you have struggled in nature and wondered why so I very much appreciate your thoughts in this post. Next time I teach this course I think I will give specific research assignments--animals, plants, etc., so that people can do some research and feel knowledgable and comfortable about one area of nature.
ReplyDelete